When you’re not afraid to be single, you’re invincible.
–Shani Silver, A Single Revolution: Don’t Look for a Match. Light One.
You might have heard that love is nothing but a game– that there are winners, and there are losers, and there are rules, but if you want that big ol’ trophy at the end (the wedding ring, of course) then you’ve got to play. But with the advent of online dating and the birth of a multi-million dollar dating industry, including dating coaches and do’s and don’ts that seem to change faster than we can keep track, the game of love is getting much, much harder to win.
If you’ve had the pleasure (or displeasure) of dating in the past ten to fifteen years, then you know how it goes. The constant swiping. The coffee shop dates because suffering through dinner is just too much of a commitment. The inundation of options but somehow still feeling option-less. And the rollercoaster ride of emotions–excitement at a new prospect, then disappointment because said-prospect has the emotional intelligence of a wall, excitement again, more disappointment–wash, rinse, repeat. Unless you’re one of the very lucky few who finds their partner quickly and then gets the heck out of dodge, it can become a brutal cycle that wears you down and wears you out. Shouldn’t dating be fun? But it isn’t. Not in today’s world. It’s a grind–another thing on the to do list in order to escape the supposed hell of singlehood to enter into the supposed paradise of romantic bliss.
But here’s the faulty aspect of that logic: when will you meet your partner? There’s no way to know. It could happen today, it could happen a year from now, or it could happen in a decade (gasp!) So what does that mean? That you’re supposed to suffer for the foreseeable future until you ascend into wedded bliss?
Not according to A Single Revolution by Shani Silver. And after reading this book, not according to me either. A Single Revolution isn’t like other books for singles, books that are focused heavily on how to meet your partner and escape singledom. This book is about being happy with where you are now–single and all–and reframing old narratives you’ve told yourself and others have told you about being single. Being single isn’t a death sentence. It isn’t a state of permanence either (unless you choose for it to be). It’s just a stage of life, a stage of life that can be just as colorful and wonderful as the later chapters when you are partnered. Shani Silver tells us that singles aren’t wrong, broken, or lacking for being single. Singledom is just another way to be, one with beautiful aspects that, if recognized and realized, can make you appreciate the life you’re living now instead of waiting to enjoy your life later.
A Single Revolution is such an important book in my eyes—for everyone, whether you are single or not, because it helps us realize that being “alone” doesn’t have to be sad or lonely at all.
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